Misc.kids parenting books FAQ, part 2: babies, children, and teens

Also see part 1: before the baby is born and part 3: Special topics for all ages.

Infants & Toddlers

For sleeping problems, see under Sleep problems in infants and children of all ages, below.
Try reading these before your baby's born, in case you don't have time

Dylan Landis: _Checklist for Your New Baby_. 1997. ISBN #0-399-51657-3.
[sources incl. amazon]
 	I found a great book that tells you what you need 
	for a new baby (and also what you DON'T need).  Has the
	Layette that you will need, and it isn't exceptionally long...
	That should help you tremendously. --Alice Jackson [from a post]

Denise and Alan Fields: Baby Bargains. 1997. ISBN 0-9626556-4-3; price, $11.95.
[sources incl. amazon]	[A] consumer's guide to all the things you need to buy when
	you have a baby.  Cribs, strollers, bedding, clothes are all
	covered.  They discuss which brands and models they liked,
	which features are worth paying more for and which aren't,
	when you should think about buying an item, and how much you
	will spend.  There is a chapter on mail-order catalogs that
	sell baby-related stuff.  They always give the price and
	manufacturer's address/phone number of items they discuss.  My
	wife & I are finding it very useful (our first is due in
	April).  Because it just came out [new edition 1997], all the
	prices and phone numbers are CORRECT! --Mike Gibson [from a post]

Morris, Desmond: Babywatching 
[OOP; try your library or amazon]
	Rather a stupid book, this repeats what other books
	say but without references, often wrong. WHY is this guy famous?
	Assumes that all babies are exactly alike. Interesting if you never
	read any other baby book, I suppose. --Paula Burch

Miriam Stoppard: Baby & Child A to Z Medical Handbook/Parents Easy
Reference Guide to Children's Illnesses, Symptoms, and Treatment. 1992.
[sources incl. amazon]
	a good medical book

Miriam Stoppard: Day by Day Baby Care. 1988.
[sources incl. amazon]
a generalized
	care handbook which is quite good, except for what IMHO is an
	overemphasis on formula/bottle sterilization and warmth.

Maurer and Maurer: the World of the Newborn 
[ OOP; try your library or amazon]
	reviews all the literature and theories about how babies hear, 
	see, feel and think

Spock et al.: Baby and Child Care (1968, Pocket)
[sources of 1998 edition incl. amazon]
        Maybe the newer one is better but although I try and try I can't
        get any useful information out of this. -- Kate Gregory

another viewpoint: (1980s edition, paperback, about $5) Really handy on what you need to have on hand before the baby comes, how to breastfeed (assuming no special problems), what to do about various symptoms, etc. Basic, inexpensive, highly worthwhile.

most recent (1998) edition: whacko nutrion. Useful only for committed vegans - vegetarians who eat no animal foods at all. Anne C. Beal: The Black Parenting Book. [sources incl. amazon] Will my light-skinned African-American child get darker with time? Do the splotches cradle cap leaves on a black baby go away? Since asthma is more common among black children, what do I need to know? How do I combine teaching traditional respect for authority with newer means of discipline, such as time-outs? Dr. Beal's book is an all-inclusive resource aimed at parents of African-American babies from birth through age five. Marianne Neihart: Dr. Mom (1993, paperback, $5) [sources incl. amazon] Similar to Dr. Spock but more up-to-date with advice to avoid cow's milk until the end of the first year, etc. Mostly very useful for the same things. Written by a pediatrician who is the mother of five children. --Paula Burch Butler: Babies Need Books (1988, Penguin; 0-14-010094-6) [sources incl. amazon] What kinds of books kids at various ages (up to six) need. Specific book lists, which I never consulted again after Beth was born. -- Kate Gregory Caplan: The First Twelve Months of Life (1971, 1995, Bantam; 0-553-24233-4) [sources incl. amazon] Charts of abilities at each month of age. I gave up on it at about eight months or so -- Beth was always ahead on some and behind on others, and by then I no longer needed reassurance about her abilities. Three month olds are described as "ready for solids" which is in disagreement with all my other books. -- Kate Gregory Rozdilsky & Banet: What Now? A Handbook for New Parents (1972, 1996, Scribner; 0-684-14698-3) [sources incl. amazon] Concentrates on the feelings of parents and how to keep yourselves happy. Pretty good, though I didn't have time to read it again once she was born. -- Kate Gregory Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam: On Becoming Babywise [sources incl. amazon] There appears to be a consensus among lactation experts that this book is wrong-headed in the extreme, as it recommends the sort of parent-scheduled feedings that can result in an inadequate milk supply in the mother and impaired growth in an infant, especially those born at less than eight pounds. The information is claimed to be based on the Bible, although Ezzo admits that the Bible contains no advice whatsoever on the subject of infant feeding. --Paula Burch Greene: Good Morning, Merry Sunshine (1984, Penguin; 0-14007948-3) [OOP; try your library or amazon] A diary of a father's life during his child's first year. Mildy entertaining, though their parenting style was not one I was comfortable with as I read. -- Kate Gregory Metzger & Whittaker: the Childproofing Checklist (1988, Doubleday; 0-385-24263-8) [OOP; try your library or amazon] About what you'd expect. Far more details than the childproofing sections in more general books. For example, rather than just saying to put a gate on the stairs, it discusses styles of gates and how to choose among them. -- Kate Gregory "Making Your Home Child Safe" Sunset [OOP; try your library or amazon] This book has a lot of good child proofing suggestions. It covers how to keep kids out of harmful things I wouldn't have even thought they'd want to get into. It also has the best list of poisonous and injurious plants that I've seen. The list has the scientific names, common names, tells exactly what part of the plant is a problem and what it does. Curiosity Without Tears: Childproofing. VHS videotape. 1992. GHI Media. [sources incl. amazon] Brazelton: What Every Baby Knows (1987, Ballantine; 0-345-34455-3) [sources incl. amazon] Probably not the Brazelton book to get. Certainly not about what babies do and do not know, it is a series of case histories of some of his patients, the advice he gave them, and followups. It deals with discipline, sibling rivalry, divorce, disruptive crying, and so on, but not in a general way. I love anecdotal books, as perhaps you can tell from this list, but I wouldn't get this book again. -- Kate Gregory Linda Acredolo, Susan Goodwyn: Baby Signs : How to Talk With Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk [sources incl. amazon] A fun book, firmly grounded in science. Research shows that teaching simple, easy sign language (as opposed to a real sign language such as ASL) to infants doesn't impair their spoken language development--in fact, it can put them ahead by an average of a year, later on! Being able to communicate is fun and may help avoid tantrums. My own baby was not much more inclined to learn signs than spoken words, but many are. --Paula Burch Penelope Leach, YOUR BABY AND CHILD. Alfred Knopf, 1985. ISBN 0-394-40755-5. [sources incl. amazon] Still my favorite. As you can see my copy is from 1985, I'm sure they've updated it. It would be interesting to see what information has changed in the update. For instance, she suggests that after 6 months, babies are ready to drink regular cows milk. I have a feeling that given today's wisdom, that probably has changed. What I like most about the book is that it always takes the point of view of the baby/child. Has helped me try to do the same with my kids. Leach covers the basics pretty well, and it's especially nice to see illustrations of bathing techniques, etc. She does gloss over some stuff, but nothing important. This is an excellent book by a psychologist who is unafraid to take some unpopular stands. It gives a very good account of what it is to be a baby, and approaches childcare from the standpoint of the baby--what's best for the baby, even if it is inconvenient for the parents. She doesn't pull many punches, and I really respect her for it. Many find her too militant in some ways. I don't like Penelope Leach. And it isn't that I have read her books. It is that I see a lot of posts the go "Penelope Leach says" and then are followed by comments like "if you don't breastfeed you aren't a good mother" or "never trust your pediatrician". SO I may be blaming her for the opinions of those who use her books as the child care bible. Penelope Leach, BABYHOOD: Stage by Stage, from Birth to Age Two; How Your Baby Develops Physically, Emotionally, Mentally. Alfred Knopf, 1990. ISBN 0-394-53092-6. [sources incl. amazon] A kind of YOUR BABY AND CHILD but more 'scholarly'. Cites the literature on some of the issues covered in YOUR BABY AND CHILD. Also more comprehensive. Not as enjoyable as the former. White, Burton - _The New First Three Years of Life_ 1985, 1995. Prentice Hall Press ISBN 0-13-317678-9 [sources incl. amazon] Based on the Harvard Preschool Project research, an unsentimental, very informative look at development in the first 3 years, as well as which childrearing practices seemed to work the best. Very interesting, though sometimes wrong--he says, for example, that babies don't like `Busy Boxes', whereas all the babies I know have loved the one we've been trading back and forth. I hope he's more accurate on other facts! Excellent for getting from the library. Good rebuttal to Doman's harmful "Better Baby Institute"-- explains what babies should be learning instead of flashcards! He discusses over and over again (or maybe it's just that I've read it over and over again? :-)) how to balance respecting a child's desires with teaching them that other people's desire also have to be respected. Frank Caplan: "The First Twelve Months of Life" [sources incl. amazon] Princeton Center for Infancy and Early Childhood, Has a month by month coverage of motor, mental, and language development. Also includes a chart summary at the end for the busy months when you meant to look at the book, but couldn't find the time. It's similiar to Dr. Brazelton's books, but faster to read. Frank and Theresa Caplan: The Second Twelve Months [sources incl. amazon] I don't think anyone mentioned [this]. (yes, there is also a "The first twelve months".) This is similar to What do you expect the First Year in that it is organized month by month and goes in to what is typical. When Peter approached 1 year I to feared withdrawal from What do You Expect, and searched in vain for the rumoured sequel. But as Pete turns 19 months tomorrow (gosh, those teenage months go fast) and we have beome Veteran Parents :-) , and as he has changed from a baby into a little boy, I find myself not reading the books quite as regularly. My wife still does, tho.-- Wally [posted] William Sears: The Baby Book: Everything You Need To Know About Your Baby From Birth To Age Two (1993) Little Brown and Company, Boston, Toronto, London, US$19.95 (paperback). [sources incl. amazon] I particularly liked the Baby Book by Sears for charts on foods, developemental milestones and the like. It's supposed to be about the first two years of life, although it has a lot more on the first year of life, but since Ben is now 19 months, I too, find that I don't read as frequently. I think that may have something to do with the fact that I no longer sit down while at home.... I am always am running after a very short person. -- Myriam Davis [posted] My wife first borrowed [this] from our local LaLeche League library and we liked it so much we went out and bought our own copy. We tend to be book junkies and we greaty prefer this book to the other standard baby books we've seen.The advice is down to earth and reasonable and doesn't treat infancy and childhood as a medical condition, like some books. But then we've gotten to the point where we reflexively change channel whenever T. Berry Brazelton comes on tv (little Tommy is OK, it's just Mom an Dad that have to get their own problems straightened out (gag)). We've liked the discussion the book has on introducing solid foods and also the discussion with diagrams of different ways to use a baby sling. We love our baby sling and the alternatives have been helpful now that our 6 month old is often more interested in being vertical (sometimes upside down) and resistant to being horizontal. The book also has a good discussion on choosing whom to assist with birthing and where; we wish we had seen this about a year ago, when the thrill of first being pregnant was starting to be replaced by the realization that the little tyke was eventually going to have to come out. As you would expect, the book goes quite heavy on Sears views on what he calls attachment parenting and also on sleep sharing. Some people may find this out of the mainstream, but we like it. I have no connection with the authors or publisher nor any a financial interest in the book. Try checking it out of your library first. --Charles Mitch [posted] Lansky: Toilet Training (1993, Bantam; 0-553-34070-1) $5 [sources incl. amazon] Everything I could ever want to know about this topic. (I think - Beth isn't trained yet :-).) I highly recommend [this] to all "Cyberparents" who are going through the enormous task of toilet training your children. Organized, easy to read, lots of good quotes, up-to-date, and most of all VERY helpful information. -Kunjal Doshi [posted] Laura Zahn: Bringing Baby Home: An Owner's Manual for First Time Parents Down to Earth Publications, Stillwater, Minnesota) [ISBN # 0-939301-91-1] $8.95. [sources incl. amazon] I was very happy with [this].It has bunches of sensible advice for the first few days and weeks when you need sensible advice; it only covers the first month, though. -Jessica Litman [posted] Toilet Training in Less Than a Day [sources incl. amazon] Before we restart the "it's all the parents' fault" flamewar, let me suggest that your friend's case sounds ideal for the methods described in TOILET-TRAINING IN LESS THAN A DAY. I usually dislike this book (the reinforcement methods described seem extreme to me), but its methods were originally designed for special-needs. Even if your friends read the book and dislike the overall method, it contains many useful tips that you can abstract -- for instance, having a doll demonstrate the use of the potty, and the best grip to teach a toddler for pants-lowering. --Betsy Hanes Perry [posted] June Oberlander: Slow and steady Get me ready: 260 weekly developmental activities from birth to age 5 (ISBN 0-9622322-0-3) [sources incl. amazon] This has lots of fun things to do with your child that help by having the activites geared to what the child is able to learn at that age -- approx. of course! For example, Week one is called "Move Body Parts" and is mostly you observing your child and how their body moves. Week two is reaction to light. Week three is moving an object in front of the baby and week four is making a cradle gym -- for a week you spend a part of each day trying to interest your baby in the moving objects . I used to do this (before I got the book :-)) by having Jack sit (lean) against my thighs, facing me, as I sat with my feet flat (so we were eye-to-eye) and holding various objects up for him to see. This worked great in sunlight, where I could catch the rays coming in thru a window and re-direct them with a shiny object. I like the book a lot. -- Mary Anne Walters [posted] Joan Leonard: Tales From Toddler Hell - My life As A Mom Published by Pharos Books - New York [OOP; try your library or amazon] My wife and I have not long both read the book "Tales from toddler hell". What a great book - it had us in fits of laughter. It is really just memoirs of a Mum reflecting on her and her husbands life before and after having children. Despite the title, the book is really funny because much of what she writes about every parent must have encountered at some stage or another - all those funny little things that happen that seem disasterous at the time but are hilarious to look back on. I thoroughly recommend the book as humorous light reading for Mums and Dads! -anonymous [posted] Steven P. Shelov: The American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring for your Baby and young Child. Birth to age 5. Bantam Books. [sources incl. amazon] The best. --Roberto Murguia M.D. [from a post] Tine Thevenin: The Family Bed (Avery 1987) [sources incl. amazon] Thevenin's _The_Family_Bed_ is the only book that I've ever considered to be so bad that I destroyed my copy, lest it mislead some poor soul who might find it at the used book store. If you want to read a *sane* person who writes in favor of the family bed, read William Sears. Thevenin is a crackpot who does not deserve to be widely read. For example, "where do the parents have sex if the kids are in bed with them?" is a popular question, which I've seen answered creatively on misc.kids, but Thevenin goes off on a tirade against Americans' being so obsessed with sex that they would even ask such a stupid question--why would you want to have sex with your spouse, anyway?--and then talks about how it used to be considered normal to have sex in front of children--uh, okay--or even *with* them! Huh??! What a useful answer *that* one is! What about pointing out that there are other rooms in the house? This is the only example that sticks firmly in my head, but I recall that the book was full of them. -Paula Burch Eisenberg, Murkoff and Hathaway: "What To Expect the First Year" [sources incl. amazon] This is a very useful book which is less handy in terms of quickly getting to a topic, since it's organized month-to-month and takes the form of questions and answers. But, there are very useful sections by the authors on introducing solid foods, stimulating the infant, etc. Stern: "Diary of a Baby" [sources incl. amazon] This is a unique book, in that this doctor tries to paint a picture of a baby's life THROUGH the eyes of the baby. Using the latest research in infant development, Stern really brings you into the life of a baby. It's fascinating reading.


Thomas Hale: Medications and Mothers' Milk '96. Pharmasoft Medical
Publishing (phone 1-800-378-1317); $19.95 with shipping.
[amazon says it's OOP, but will try to
get it for you; try the publisher first.]
	...the only [book on breastfeeding] I've found w/medication
	info under $50! I've already used it 5 times. --Kat Dyer

Gerald Briggs et al. Drugs in Lactation. $15. 1997.
[sources incl. amazon]
	(no review)

Huggins: Nursing Mother's Companion 1986, 1995. Harvard Common Press;
[sources incl. amazon]
        A terrific book. Full of practical tips for overcoming difficulties.
        Much more useful and less guilt-inducing than the Womanly Art.
	There is a new edition, but I don't know what's been added to
	it.  -- Kate Gregory

This was my favorite breastfeeding book. --Paula Burch The most helpful book on breastfeeding (and its problems), I read. It is less 'preachy' than LLL's THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING, and is more upto date than THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING. I found the sections on pumping and storing milk useful. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. [sources incl. amazon] Terrible book, though much-recommended! I urge all pregant women to attend LLL meetings. I urge any woman having problems breastfeeding, coping with biting, getting presure to wean, and so on to attend LLL meetings. They are a terrific organization. The book is less terrific. It's a good pep talk to read while pregnant; why not join your local chapter and borrow it from their library? When I was having problems nursing Beth I got no practical help from the Womanly Art, instead I was guilted by it. I got my help from a doctor, the Huggins book, a lactation consultant, and my local LLL chapter. BestFeeding [sources incl. amazon] One book that was recommended to me, which I don't recommend for people who have problems with breast-feeding is a book called BestFeeding. I don't remember the authors. It was much too adamant that you shouldn't have problems, all you have to do is position correctly. I am a personal testament to the fact that this is not true. A conflicting view about Bestfeeding: I just purchased it for my SIL and am generally impressed with it. It's tone IS a little preachy and condescending, but the photographs of real breasts are worth it IMO. I wish I'd had this book when I was breastfeeding; it would have been more helpful that the lactation consultants I spoke with at the time. I can't compare it to Nursing Mother's Companion because I haven't read that, but the technical information is far superior to that in Womanly Art. - Laura (Wdbedzyk) Marilyn Grams: Breastfeeding Success for Working Mothers [sources incl. amazon] The supply/demand principle works with nursing. It's an amazing system. Even if it feels like there's no milk there at all, there will always be something. An excellent book is "Breastfeeding Success for Working Mothers" by Marilyn Grams, MD. Lots of great information and encouragement, and equally suitable for moms who are at home. - LParra [posted] Huggins, Ziedrich, and Sears: The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning [sources incl. amazon] If this is anything like "The Nursing Mother's Companion", this is the only one to get. -Paula Burch Norma J. Bumgarner: Mothering Your Nursing Toddler [sources incl. amazon] Read this book if everyone around you thinks you ought to wean your baby now, even though neither you nor your baby is ready. (The AAP recommends at least a year of breastfeeding, and WHO recommends two, but loads of people still think that even six months is really way too long, and they don't hesitate to tell you so!) --Paula Burch

sleep issues in infants and children

Richard Ferber: 
Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems. Paperback, about $10.
by Richard Ferber, MD, copyright 1985, ISBN: 0-671-46027-7,
ISBN:0-671-62099-1 Pbk.
[sources incl. amazon]
	Everything from sleeping through the night after the age of
	three months to night terrors, sleep walking, and even
	narcolepsy. A wonderful book for a sleep-deprived new parent. 
	Does NOT recommend "just let the child cry herself to sleep."

	This was the one book that our Pediatrician recommended one day after
	Karen was born.  She said that it was long, but worth it.  I read it
	in the early weeks before there were any problems.  Karen hasn't had
	any sleep problems, but I think that had a lot to do with the fact
	that I knew what to be aware of and what to avoid.  I wholeheartedly
	recommend this for anyone who is interested in an in-depth look.  I
	think that he's also written some articles which condenses the
	information to a more reasonable length. One bit of generic advice
	that I have used is to get the book from the library first.  If you
	like it, then go ahead and buy it. 

	I should really start a topic for GOOD HINTS FROM BAD BOOKS: there are
	some child-rearing books that I've gotten one or two great ideas from
	whose overall opinions I violently disapprove of.  Another example:  I
	like Ferber myself, but even parents who dislike Ferber should really
	read the first chapter, explaining normal childhood sleep patterns and
	development.    -- Betsy Hanes Perry

Helping Your Child Sleep Through The Night
Joanne Cuthbertson & Susie Schevill
ISBN 0-385-19250-9
paperback, $10
[sources incl. amazon]
	Even better than Ferber in discussing the effect of such
	things as illness and teething on sleeping, and the
	instructions are even more easily followed, with numbered
	steps. You still need to read Ferber to learn about how sleep
        works, but Cuthbertson & Schevill provide a useful
        amplification and slightly different veiwpoint. I think that
        all parents need to read both books, and most need a copy of
 	one of them around the house in case of future problems. 

William Sears: Nighttime Parenting. La Leche League International.
[sources incl. amazon]
	I borrowed _Nighttime Parenting_ from my La Leche League library.
	There is a lot of talk about Ferber on the net but little mention of
	this book, which I felt was written more from the perspective of a
	parent than a doctor.  Like any book, he has his own ideas, mostly
	advocating family beds (he calls it "sharing sleep"), but for those who
	feel that Ferber is not for them I highly recommend this.  The problem
	that I had with Ferber is that he claims that the main reason for sleep
	problems in infants is that they are nursed or rocked to sleep, then
	wake up and can't get back to sleep without being nursed or rocked
	again.  But we clearly have a waking infant who falls asleep on his own
	beautifully.  Anyway, just thought I'd mention that resource as I
	rarely see it here.

Vicki Lansky. Getting your child to sleep (and back again).
[sources incl. amazon]
	Useless--you'll do far better with a single short question on
	misc.kids. Helpful advice such as "try rocking the baby" :-)

Marc Weissbluth: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
[sources incl. amazon]
	I read this book, and found that what Weissbluth
	recommends is letting a child "cry it out"--for three or four
	hours at a time, if need be--starting at ages as low as two 
	months. This approach may be necessary for some families, but
	I personally couldn't do it. I found Ferber's book to be
	vastly kinder and more humane, besides explaining things much
	more clearly. If you have a problem with the idea of letting 
	a child cry for more than a few minutes, I would strongly
	advise that you try Ferber's book first, and progress to 
	Weissbluth's only if Ferber's methods do not work 
	for your family. --Paula Burch

Child Rearing & Discipline

These are for parents of children of the middle years, starting somewhere around preschool and continuing mostly through the pre-teen years. In theory, following the more useful of these books during the pre-teen years may prevent many problems of teenagerhood. Books on discipline and other topics that are specific to Preschoolers and Teens are placed into those two categories, respectively.

Ginott: Between Parent and Child (1965, Avon; none)
[sources incl. amazon]
        Focuses on language and the extra meanings it carries. 
        Discipline without hitting, yelling, ordering.

Gordon: P.E.T. - Parent Effectiveness Training (1990, about $12)
[sources incl. local public libraries and amazon]
        Active listening. I messages. Discipline without hitting, yelling, 
        ordering. Definitely a worthwhile resource.

Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay
Parenting with Love and Logic--Teaching Children Reponsibility 
ISBN 0-89109-311-7  copyright 1990
[sources incl. amazon]
	This parenting book has some great information about helping your
	child become a responsible, considerate, well behaved, child with a
	good opinion of themself.  The authors recommend giving your child
	choices  so they learn to make responsible decisions at an early age.
	One example dealt with a child who was never ready to go to school at
	the time his mother needed to leave.  She finally used the love and
	logic approach.  She announced that she would be leaving at a certain
	time in the morning and the child had the choice of going in the car
	dressed or in nightclothing.  She took a bag of clothing along so the
	child could dress properly for school.

	A book I recommend is Parenting With Love and Logic, by Jim Fay.  If
	he is ever in your area giving a talk, you should go.  He has a lot of
	good stuff to say, and is real entertaining to boot.  Ask at your
	school about his books and tapes - lots of educators buy into his
	philosophy, and they often have his stuff in the library. 
	-- Lynne A Fitzsimmons [posted]

	Time-outs quit being effective with our daughters (now 6 & 4 years
	old). We have been using more creative strategies for problem
	behavior. [This book] has been helpful for us.  It's been a while
	since I read the book, but the main strategies we got from it were to
	1)let the child know what their choices are and 2)have a logical
	consequence for unwanted behavior.  For example, I don't want the kids
	balancing the kitchen chairs on two legs during dinner.  They now know
	that they can either keep all four chair legs on the floor *or* they
	can sit on the floor to eat. This approach requires more thinking than
	sending the kids to time outs does, but it's been much more effective 
	for us. -- Carolyn Peterson (from a post)

Kay Kuzma: Building Your Child's Character
[sources incl. amazon]
	One book that I highly recommend. --anon.

Theodore Dreikurs: "Children: the Challenge"
[sources incl. amazon]
	Theodore Dreikurs is one of the teachers of the founders of STEP.  He
	advocates a "democratic" method of child rearing.  Of particular
	importance in this book is an opening section that deals with the
	importance of birth order in the development of children's
	personalities.  His theory, commonly accepted now, is that first born
	children have more in common with each other than the first and second
	born children within the same family will have with each other. 
	Dreikurs also offers some very concrete methods for dealing with
	children in various situations.  An EXCELLENT book! 

Dinkmeyer, McKay and Dinkmeyer:
"The Parents' Handbook" 
[sources incl. amazon]
"Parenting Young Children" 	
[sources incl. amazon]
	These books are part of the STEP parenting method.  The goal of these
	books  are straightforward and simple:  children are persons, who
	should be accorded  the same amount of respect that adults show their
	adult friends.  Keeping  that in mind, power struggles between parents
	and children don't have to  happen, and fighting constantly with your
	kids is not a necessary part of raising them.  These books are very
	well written, easy to understand, and are quite intuitive.  There are
	helpful techniques such as reflective listening which are explained
	clearly and concisely, and everything just makes good sense.

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish:
How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. 
Paperback, about $8.
[sources incl. amazon]
	Explains the use of "logical consequences" for discipline.
	Shows an alternative to the things my parents did that I'd
	rather improve on.

	This is worth every cent and more. It's more than use of logical
	consequences. It shows practical ways of implementing a relationship
	between parent	and child that is based on respect. And I go back and
	reread sections	every once and awhile. This is one to have on hand 
	for reference.

	There is a quote on the front of the book [How to talk...]
	that says," Will bring about more cooperation from children than all
	the yelling and pleading in the world. " I think this book has some
	very powerful messages for parents. It teaches us how to acknowledge
	our childrens feelings, and by doing so minimize the war. There are
	actual exercises that parents can work on with their children. I guess
	you could call them little experiments to see if what these woman are
	saying really works. The chapters deal with; 1. Helping children deal
	with their feelings, 2. Engaging cooperation, 3. Alternatives to
	punishment, 4. Encouraging Autonomy, 5. Praise, 6. Freeing children
	from playing roles, 7. Putting it all together. This isn't a book you
	read from front to back and thhen try to put into affect in your life.
	The authors encourage you to read each chapter and then put the book
	down for awhile until you have had a chance to use what you've
	learned. I think this is a brilliant way to write this type of book. 
	Too much of anything at once can overwhelm a person. 

	What they don't tell you, is that you have to be dealing with one
	of the thoughtful children in the book.  These techniques are much
	less effective with *real* children.  [Eds. Note: That was Judy Leedom
	Tyrer saying that. Other parents disagree. Perhaps the disclaimer
	should be that they are less effective with *her* children. :-)] Now,
	I did *not* say they will not work, I said that they're much less
	effective.  While some of their techniques of dealing with problems
	work some of the time, I found that the book left most of us (in a
	class using their book as a text) high about the technique and
	deflated as we found that we needed to be using one of the children in
	the book (i.e., the techniques work much less often and to a lower
	degree).  I felt the same way about Siblings without rivalry.   While
	they give a lot of points to help alleviate parental guilt, the
	results  did not meet the expectations I had from reading the book.  
	My disappointment  in the books had to do with the techniques and 
	conclusions not matching  reality a large percent of the time.

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. 
Siblings Without Rivalry. Paperback, about $8.
[sources incl. amazon]
	This was good for me even though I have only one child--I am a
	sibling myself, after all, and I wanted to know that that trauma
	wasn't necessary. 

	Again, worth every cent and more. I have an almost 3 year old and a
	just four year old. And _I_ think they are siblings without rivalry.
	That doesn't mean they don't want the same thing or do the same thing.
	But it means that we try to get them to solve the problems they are
	having instead of doing arbitration. And it works a lot better than
	you'd think for kids this age. The other eye opener for me was that of
	putting your kids in roles. For instance, my younger son is very agile
	and very at home in his body. Without this book, I would have
	classified him as an athlete, gymnast, or something and perhaps never
	let any other part of him develop as it should. In addition, this
	would not have been fair to my other son who is no slouch when it
	comes to physical activity. But his abilities could have been ignored.
	I guess you get the idea that I heartily recommend this book. 

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
"Liberated Parent/ Liberated Child"
[sources incl. amazon]
	I really enjoyed this book and am on my 2nd reading.  The book
	contains a wealth of information and needs to be worked on slowly over
	a long period of time.  There are lots of good tips,many of which will
	work over time if practiced consistently.  Not every technique will
	work every time for every child.  As other posters noted, the book
	really outlines an attitude and an approach which you can adapt to
	your own needs.  I've found this book to be really helpful.

	The good thing about the Faber&Mazlish books are their easy-to-read
	format which makes them very accessible to a large portion of the
Gordon, Thomas: Parent effectiveness training; the no-lose program for 
raising responsible children.  New York, P. H. Wyden [1970].
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is not as easy to read as the Faber&Mazlish books but I
	think it's  great. The main thing (so far) that I've got out of it is
	the idea of  reflexive listening, defining ownership of problems (how
	problems are dealt  with depends on who owns it), and using I
	messages. The latter, especially,  is forcing me to think "what is
	REALLY going on here" when my kids and I run into problems. Another
	thing that I liked was the message of hope. By that I mean the book
	says that families can have close relationships	period. I am of the
	opinion that the generation gap or rebellion or hardships that usually
	happen with teenagers doesn't have to be and this book has validated
	this for me. It is here in this book that the different parenting
	styles (authoritarian, democratic (although I don't remember whether
	he used this term or not), and permissive) that have been discussed 
	on the net are defined.

Leman: "Making children mind without losing yours." 
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is really for children at least 2 years of age, up through
	teens. The basic philosophy is this:  Give your kids choices, and let
	them deal with the consequences of their decisions.  It is a middle
	ground between authoritarian (you'll behave because I said so, and
	that's it!) and passive (whatever makes you happy darling).  His
	methods are firm but loving.  He advocates unconditional love, IOW
	never threaten to to take your love away (or the appearance of  it) if
	a child does not obey.  He gives lots of good examples too, and, 
	it's a short book!

Fitzhugh Dodson: "How to Parent"
[sources incl. amazon]

	[Warning: Don't confuse Dodson with Dobson. Two entirely
different authors! I'm not positive that the following review is for
the correct author, as it's clear that the other one, Dobson, *is* a
strong advocate of spanking and hitting children with objects. --Paula Burch]

	This is a controversial book that not everyone likes, mostly because
	Dodson does not take a firm anti-spanking stance and believes that
	parents who refuse to let their children play with guns are raising
	wimps.  However, Dodson does have a lot of examples from his private
	practice and is very good about taking controversial stances and
	defending them.  He refers to the terrible twos as  "first
	adolescence".  And he has a very wonderful section on discipline which
	has nothing to do with spanking. - anon.

[sources incl. amazon]
	a terrible (with patches of useful stuff) authoritarian book from a
	strict Christian perspective. --Anon. [Eds. note: I suspect that many
	good Christians will not agree with the concept that the ideas
	espoused by this book are necessarily Christian.] 

	I'm wary of this book
	because parents have posted advocating beating their children with a
	stick, and claimed that this author told them to! Obviously a 
	controversial topic, one on which I'm not without my own
	biases. --Paula Burch

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: "Raising Your Spirited Child" ISBN 0-06-092328-8.
HarperCollins Publishers.  Paper-back, $10.00.
[sources incl. amazon]
	What I particularly liked about this book was its focus on temperament
	in both  children and adults. There are many character traits that are
	inborn tendencies, and we're better off working with them rather than
	butting heads with them  constantly. It's a more subtle case of the
	jock parent having an artistic son. This book will not meet the
	approval of those who want to step in and alter  undesireable behavior 
	immeidately.  It's very much a process thing. 
						      ...I have been
	reading and enjoying RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD, A Guide for Parents
	Whose Child is More. The 'spirited' in the title replaces the
	'difficult' child.  My 6+ year old son have always been 'spirited'.  I
	read the threads on ADDH fearing that someone down the line is going
	to label him that.  He's very sensitive and VERY active.  This book
	puts his 'spirit' in perspective and has helpful comments on how to 
	handle that spiritidness ala Faber and Mazlish.  

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook
 [sources incl. amazon]
	This will probably be popular with those who liked "Raising
Your Spirited Child". --Paula Burch

Stanley Turecki and Leslie Tonner: The Difficult Child. Bantam Books, c1985, 
ISBN 0-553-05098-2 (there is also a revised paperback version out now, too.)
[sources incl. amazon]
	This is a very good book not only for parents of difficult children
	(there is a quiz that will help you identify the areas in whch your
	child is difficult_ but also for parents with children going through
	difficult times.  It has a very practical and effective strategy for
	handling problems which allow you to focus on specific problems and
	work with your children on handling the behavior.  A must for any 
	parent who feels at the end of his or her rope.

   	There are any number of excellent books out there about child rearing,
	but one of the best I have found for understanding and working with
	"difficult" or hard-to-raise children is [this].
    	Quoting from the book jacket: "Every child comes into the world with
	an inborn temperament-certain traits that make him or her 'easy' or
	'difficult' to raise....Temperamentally difficult children almost
	always confuse or upset their parents, but they are not all alike.
	Some have bad days; others are difficult nearly all the time. They are
	often defiant, especially to the mother They whine, complain or throw
	tantrums; they're stubborn and don't listen. Some are active to the
	point of wildness. Others are very shy, clingy and can't tolerate new
	people or situations. Some won't eat or sleep at regular times -
	others are picky and peculiar about food and clothes. Simple everyday 
	routines like meals, bedtimes, and dressing can provoke pitched 
   	Dr. Turecki developed a Difficult Child Program for Beth Israel Medical
	Center in NYC. This book is based upon the work done there. I
	discovered Dr. Turecki's work in an article in "Good Housekeeping" or
	"Parents", can't remember which, and bought the book. It has help us
	*a lot* in dealing with our difficult child simply by allowing us to
	see that sometimes our son was up against inborn temperamental
	qualities that he could not help. He is either hotter or colder than
	everyone else; transitions are hard; he has a very high activity
	level; there is lots of negative persistence; regularity in sleep and
	eating has been a problem, etc. He is also very charming with a great
	sense of humor, intelligent, and very perceptive for a 9 yr. old. Part
	of the reason we survived early years as well as we all did was the
	management techiques and the philosophy I found in _The Difficult
	Child_. My husband and I could understand why our son was so difficult
	at times, recognize (mostly) what was true temperamental reactions 
	and what was just ordinary manipulative child, and deal with both 
	types of situations appropriately (again, most of the time. :-)
   	A lot of what is in the book is commonsense type discipline, but what
	I found to be so valuable was the sympathy and understanding it help
	me bring to parenting, even when I was the most frustrated. Because I
	could "label" what was going on, I could cope with the behavior
	better, as a sympathic, but firm adult, not as a "why are you doing
	this to me?" angry parent with problems continuing to escalate.
   	I do highly recommend the book. Sometimes real problems with inborn
	temperament get overlooked in dealing with "bad","difficult",
	"inapproriate", or "stubborn" behaviors.

Stephanie Marston: THE MAGIC OF ENCOURAGEMENT:  Nurturing Your Child's 
Self-Esteem.  Simon & Schuster, 1990. 
[sources incl. amazon]
	ISBN 0-671-73273-0.  Another Faber/Mazlish (sp?) clone,
	complete with excercises to do.  I haven't gotton through
	that one yet.  (Actually, while I find these books helpful
	in their suggestions, I much prefer to read straight narrative
	which is not divided into tiny little pieces of data with
	headings.) -Anon.

Positive Discipline
[sources incl. amazon]
	Another great book, along the same lines as Faber and Mazlish [see 
	above-Ed.], is Positive Discipline. It's in the Chinaberry Book
	Catalog,  in paperback. Every parent needs to read this one, Faber &
	Mazlish, and Richard Ferber!

        The book that helped me the most was [this book]. The part I
	found most helpful describes various "motives" that children
	have for mis-behaviour.  Details are given regarding the
	identification of the child's motive (or mistaken belief), and
	the way that you identify the motive is to analyze your own
	feelings.  I found this to be extraordinarily useful, since I
	found it difficult to determine what my daughter was feeling.  The book
	also gives strategies for dealing with misbehaviour, depending
	on the motive in each particular case. --Lisa Chirlian (from a post)

Your Child's Self Esteem
Dorothy Corkille Briggs
Dolphin Books-Doubleday & Company. 1975. ISBN 0-383-04020-2
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is surprisingly up-to-date considering its publication
	date--a few mentions that something-or-other might cause homosexuality
	should in my opinion be ignored as being quite out of date, but it
	gives an excellent (and thorough) explanation of just WHY positive
	methods such as those advocated by Faber & Mazlish and by Gordon are
	much better in the long run for a child. -- Paula Burch

Loving Your Child Is Not Enough--Positive Discipline that works
Nancy Samalin with Martha Moraghan Jablow
Viking. 1987. ISBN 0-670-81362-1
[sources incl. amazon]
	Yet another book on practical applications of positive discipline!
	This is a good one, too; the funny thing about it is that I kept
	suspecting the author of plagierizing from Faber and Mazlish. This is
	explained by the fact the the latter studied with Haim Ginott,
	whereas this author studied with Adele Ginott, his wife; the two
	Ginotts taught the exact same techniques. As reading one book is
	rarely enough to learn a technique, I would advise reading every book
	on the subject--each one brings a different perspective. If you are
	only going to read one book, this wouldn't be my first choice, but
	it would certainly do. -- Paula Burch

Love and Anger
Nancy Samalin
[sources incl. amazon]
	An excellent book exploring the reasons why we sometimes explode with
	anger towards our children, and giving lots of suggestions for much
	more useful strategies when you are this angry. Very much worth 
	reading. -- Paula Burch

[OOP; try your library or amazon]
	one i love (and have given away at least 6 times) is [this]; it
	deals with infants all the way up to teenagers and how to
	increase self esteem. a lot has of it deals with our (the
	adult) perception of them (the annihilators, the shriekers...)
	 -- Mary Lea McAnally [posted]

Clare Cherry: Parents, Please Don't Sit On Your
Kids (A Parent's Guide to Nonpunitive Discipline)
[sources incl. amazon]
	I've been reading a wonderful book [this one]. I'd love to quote the
	whole section, but there's a no reproduction notice in the front, so
	I'll just retell it. This is described in a section about Deliberately
	Ignoring Provocations, and the specific scenerio is described on 
	page 139.
	She proposes that many behaviors that are done to get attention
	(hitting, biting, throwing up, tantrums, etc) can be stopped by
	ignoring the misbehavior - focusing attention elsewhere. There are
	several examples, but a specific story of an 18 month old who tantrums
	and then vomits in her playpen - which she is put in for short times
	when mom is doing housework. (Myself, I just don't do housework that
	was hazardous while alone with my kids, but that is pretty limiting!)
	The father is there, supporting the mom through it. The child cries,
	then throws up. Mom wants to rush in, but doesn't (with Dad's
	support). A minute later, she peeks, child is playing with the vomit
	and talking to herself. 5 minutes later, mom goes in, but does *not*
	mention the incident. "I'll put some clean clothes on you", and then
	she cleans her daughter and the playpen without any further
	comments. Then she puts her daughter back in and walks deliberately
	out, without looking back. Daughter begins to cry, then starts playing
	with her blocks. Mom finishes work in 10 minutes, comes and gets her,
	and they laugh. It takes 1 more incident to break the daughter's habit
	of vomiting with tantrums, and two more tantrums before she stops
	them, too.
	This whole thing makes sense to me - the hardest part to me seems to
	be having the self control to not comment on the incident and stay
	calm and matter-of-fact about things. I've seen my kids (2.5 and
	almost 5) come back and report on fights they've had - telling on
	themselves (as outlined in the book) and I am beginning to see how
	they're using that to get attention when I'm busy elsewhere. It's
	important to not have some kind of secondary gain coming into play
	(like Mom or Dad will jump (or get very upset) when we do xxx) when
	dealing with discipline matters.
	-- Tigger (Grace Sylvan) [posted]

Phelan: 1-2-3 Magic
[sources incl. amazon]
	If you're having problems with a four-to-eight-year old, you
	probably should get this book. With our older son, there came
	a time when common sense no longer worked. Logical
	consequences, no matter how sensible they seemed to both us
	and our son, did not deter him from behavior that made both
	him and us miserable.  This book made all the difference to
	us...we started insisting that our son behave well, and *without
	emotion* giving him a short punitive timeout if he acted out
	three times in a row within twenty minutes. You'd think a
	child wouldn't like this, wouldn't you? And you certainly wouldn't
	expect such a small punishment to do the trick. Instead, he
	immediately became much more cooperative, and much happier
	because we were spending time doing fun things instead of
	agonizing over toothbrushing and similar small issues.
	I do NOT recommend this as a first or only book, because I
	find the concepts of Psotive Discipline, such as is described in the
	works of Faber and Mazlish or Thomas Gordon, to be more respectful and
	a better foudnation for a happy family life. However, if you need help
	even after reading those, or if your family is in an emergency
	situation with this sort of frustration, this is an extremely helpful and
	useful book, and to be highly recommended. Especially helpful also
	for those who swore they'd never spank a child, and then, to their
	horror, did so once, and want to not repeat the experience. 
	--Paula Burch

Preschool-aged children

David Elking: Miseducation - Preschoolers At Risk
[sources incl. amazon]
	His premise is that many of our children are being
	misappropriately educated  for their age level. In our zest
	for creating "superkids" we do so at the risk of subjecting
	our kids to both psychological and physical problems. 
 	He explains the different stages of how children learn and
	that early  "miseducation" can cause permanent damage to their
	self-esteem, loss of a positive attitude towards learning, and
	actual physical problems caused by starting children in
	certain excellerated sports programs before their bodies have
	fully developed. I would highly recommend this book 
	--Lynne Chantler [from a post]

	Yes, I not only read Elkind's book, but have lent my copy out to
	numerous friends.  I absolutely agree with his arguments, and like
	Lynne, highly recommend the book.  After reading _Miseducation_, I
	was more convinced than ever that finding a non-academic preschool was
	the way I wanted to go.  Elkind basically states that early
	childhood educators have taken studies that show how much children
	are capable of learning in their early years (from about 2-6) and
	have twisted that around to make the argument that *since* kids' brains 
	are so malleable, they can be taught all sorts of things, like reading
	and foreign languages.  This perversion (sorry for such a strong
	word) of the brain studies results in what Elkind terms
	"miseducation."  [...] (NOTE:  Elkind (and I) are stressing
	the "pushing" part here; if a child shows an interest in learning to
	read, write, or whatever on his or her own, that's a different matter
	As Lynne pointed out, Elkind makes the argument that by pushing
	children to learn academics at earlier ages when they are not
	interested in such things can do a lot of harm, and very little
	good.  Young children learn through playing, and by encouraging them
	to explore their world at their own pace, parents and childhood
	educators lay the foundation for "readiness" to learn academic
	subjects.  Allowed to learn at their own pace, with an "emergent
	curriculum" (i.e. learning that is self-directed and that emerges
	from the child's own interests), children are much more apt to soak
	up the academic stuff later on.   --Diane Lin [from a post]

Thomas Sowell: Late-Talking Children. 1997. [sources incl. amazon]
	Essential reading for parents worried about very slow speech
	development in apparently otherwise normal children. This is
	not a what-to-do book; it's a book about the experiences of a
	father whose son began talking extraordinarily late. I think
	the boy had something like ten words at age four; he's now,
	as an adult, a computer programmer. The father is an extremely
	interesting writer, a well-known economist. The book

	summarizes the results of his survey of other parents of 
	late-talking children that were neither autistic nor
	hearing-impaired. The author hypothesizes that the slow speech
	development in this particular subset of children is the cost
	of rapid math development. --Paula Burch

Bruno Bettleheim, A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT.  Vintage Books, 1987. 
ISBN 0-394-75776-9.  
[sources incl. amazon]
	The title tells all.  A very re-assuring
	book which makes room for the fact that we parents are
	people who make mistakes and don't have to perfect.  Some
	helpful arguments against some long-held beliefs, e.g.,
	spanking as punishment, etc.

If Only I Were a Better Mother
[sources incl. Chinaberry, amazon]
	If you think that any mother who ever, even for a minute, places her 
	own needs above those of her child, is a monster, then you need this 
	book. (Then again, if you think that, you'll be raising a
	self-centered  monster who will never respect any need of their
	mother's, and you  probably need to see a therapist!) It may be useful
	if you feel guilty when you choose to meet your own needs, however
	important, at the expense of your child's, however trivial. Contains
	lots of made-up conversations with  'Kali', the 'dark goddess', which

	strike a jarringly self-conscious note. - Paula Burch

Lawrence Balter: Child Sense
[OOP; try your library or amazon]
			...what are your favorite books on child
	development?  I have lots, but the one I always return to is _Child
	Sense_ by Lawrence Balter.  Anywone else have a favorite?  My LEAST
	favorite is Burton White, who seems to think that children spaced
	together closer than three years will be totally *ruined*.  Very

T. Berry Brazelton 
"On Becoming A Family" [sources incl. amazon]

"Infants and Mothers" [sources incl. amazon]

"Parents and Toddlers"[sources incl. amazon]

"Working and Caring" [sources incl. amazon]

"What Every Baby Knows" [sources incl. amazon]
	T. Berry Brazelton is the Dr. Spock of our generation and his books
	could well be considered required reading.  He also hosts a show on
	Lifetime called "What Every Baby Knows".  
	Infants and Mothers and Parents and Toddlers are both broken up into
	personal stories about "typical" people culled from his pediatric
	practice.  In the  Infants book, there are three infants, "quiet",
	"average", and "active" who are tracked in their development month by
	month.  In Toddlers, different  children are studied at each phase 
	of toddlerhood.  

	I bought a book by T. Berry Brazelton called something like "Working
	and  Caring" about integrating work and caring for an infant.  I think
	it is a great book.  I found it very reassuring to read when I was
	trying to dance the line between the people who thought my schedue for
	returning to work was bad for my child and the people who thought I
	was forever giving up my career if I took off the time I had planned.

	"Infants and Mothers" is a very interesting book, and gives a
	month-by-month  account of the lives of three babies:  average, quiet
	and active.  The great  virtue of this book is that it gives a very
	complete picture of the lives of  three very different infants, all of
	whom are completely "normal."   It gives the reader a greater
	appreciation for the developmental timetable that each baby follows,
	and thus, an appreciation for the uniqueness of each baby.  Highly
	recommended for nervous first parents--it's very reassuring.

	I found Brazleton's books fun to read, but not worth buying since I
	wasn't apt to re-read them. The public library is made for
	books like this!  -- Paula Burch

Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D.:"Your X Year Old"
(X = One, Two, Three, etc. - this is a series) Publisher: Gesell
Institute of Human Development 
Your One-Year-Old : The Fun-Loving, Fussy 12-To 24-Month-Old	[sources incl. amazon]
Your 2 Year Old : Terrible or Tender	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Three Year Old : Friend or Enemy	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Four-Year-Old : Wild and Wonderful	[sources incl. amazon]
Your 5 Year Old : Sunny and Serene	[sources incl. amazon]
	Ames and Ilg was used in my parenting class and, so far, my children
	have been 100% in line with their stages of development.  A wonderful
	book series for helping to decide, "have I ruined my child or is this
	normal development" and the subsequent "should I fight this or suffer through it".

	Lots of questions on this net are oth the type "My X yr old is doing
	this - is it normal?"  I've been enjoying "Your Three Year Old" by
	Ames & Ilg. There is a whole series of these, going up to the preteen
	years.  "your Two Year Old was really on target for me last year. 
	Your Three Year Old isn't quite as close as the other one, but still
	has given me a lot of useful insights into David's current behaviors. 
	These books aren't big with practical tips on how to deal with
	specific behaviors, but I find just identifying the behavior pattern
	to be very helpful.  I can then deal with it with my repertoire of
	skills from other sources.  Here's a quote I love from this book
	"Parents sometimes fear that their Three and a half year old is deaf 
	when he so often disregards what is being said to him."  How true!

Fraiberg: "The Magic Years: Understanding the problems of early childhood" 
[sources incl. amazon]
	A classic, and very good reading, too.  Covers birth to 5 years,
	though she  basically zips through 0-6 months in a flash.  The main
	virtue of this book,  IMHO, was that she explains the developmental
	stage that the child is going  through so that parents can better
	understand that the child is DRIVEN to do something, and that the 
	behavior is not part of a plan to drive the
	parents crazy.

Marge Kennedy: 50 ways to bring out the smarts in your kid: how to
	provide inspiration and guidance to enhance children's
	learning in every way. (children 3 and up)
[sources incl. amazon]

Disciplining younger children specifically--toddlers, preschoolers

Elizabet Crary: Without Spanking or Spoiling: A Practical Approach to Toddler and Preschool Guidance. Published by Parenting Press, 7750 Thirty-first Ave NE, Seattle Wa 98115. [sources incl. Chinaberry and amazon] This is not the best-written of discipline books--i.e., it's not a joy and a breeze to read--but it is an extremely helpful sourcebook for applying the Positive Discipline methods of Faber & Mazlish, Gordon, Nelson, etc. to young toddlers. It gives specifics, such as exactly what a child of 12 or 36 months may be expected to be able to accomplish, such as self-dressing, and on how exactly to apply respectful techniques of discipline to the very young. Highly recommended as a follow-up to some of the above books, if you find yourself with questions on just how to use those techniques with a very young child, toddler to pre-school. --Paula Burch Jane Nelsen: Positive Discipline for Pre-Schoolers [sources incl. amazon] Since I had already read the first book [Positive Discipline], I didn't find much new material, but it is slanted more towards younger children. If you can find this one, I'd recommend you read it first. --Lisa Chirlian [from a post] I liked Nelson's 'Positive Discipline' so much that I got this one, too. Unfortunately, I found it less helpful even for preschoolers. Some of her advice in this book just seems wrong-headed to me, such as trying to "push" pre-schoolers to become more grownup, when that was not the best way to encourage my own child. The book, like many others, is still useful if you ignore the parts that annoy you, of course. --Paula Burch Don Dinkmeyer, Ph.D.; Gary D. McKAy, Phd.; and James S. Dinkmeyer, M.A.: PARENTING YOUNG CHILDREN: HELPFUL SRATEGIES BASED ON SYSTEMATIC TRAINING FOR EFFECTIVE PARENTING (STEP) FOR CHILDREN UNDER SIX. Published by: American Guidance Service, Circle Pines, Minnesota, 55014-1796. Copyright: 1989. [sources incl. amazon] The best book I have found was given to my by my utter wonderful MIL. This work is mostly focused on behaviour, so while it is great on the emotional milestones, it is soemwhat lacking in the physical area. But it is terrific for what it does. Here are the seven chapters: 1. Understanding Young Children 2. Understanding Young Children's Behaviour 3. Building Self-Esteem in the Early Years 4. Communicating with Young Children 5. Helping Young Children learn to Cooperate 6. Effective Dscipline 7. Nurturing Emotional and Social Development. There is also additional information on resources to learn more about parenting. While this book is a companion to a parenting program, I have used on its own with wonderful results. (I am sorry to rave, but I love this book!!!). It has a lot of examples, and cartoons, and advice that is easy to look up and use during stressful moments..And it goes through transitions of children through infancy to toddlers to preschoolers (up to 6). --Ali Hendley

Children: kindergarten through elementary school ages

Martin Nemko:How to Get Your Child a Private School Education in a Public School
[sources incl. amazon]
	I would strongly recommend [this]  book. I was lucky enough to
	find it in my local library when my oldest was 4, and I have
	since bought my own copy and used it frequently. (My kids are now 8
	and 13, and the oldest is entering high school.)  -- Jo
	Paoletti (from a post) 

Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D.:"Your X Year Old"
(X = One, Two, Three, etc. - this is a series) Publisher: Gesell
Institute of Human Development 
Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D.:"Your X Year Old"
(X = One, Two, Three, etc. - this is a series) Publisher: Gesell
Institute of Human Development 
Your 5 Year Old : Sunny and Serene	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Six-Year-Old : Loving and Defiant	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Seven-Year-Old : Life in a Minor Key	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Eight Year Old : Lively and Outgoing	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Nine Year Old : Thoughtful and Mysterious	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old	0440506786
[sources incl. amazon]
	Ames and Ilg was used in my parenting class and, so far, my children
	have been 100% in line with their stages of development.  A wonderful
	book series for helping to decide, "have I ruined my child or is this
	normal development" and the subsequent "should I fight this or
	suffer through it". 

	Lots of questions on this net are oth the type "My X yr old is doing
	this - is it normal?"  There is a whole series of these

	[books] , going up to the preteen years.  [...]
	These books aren't big with practical tips on how to deal with
	specific behaviors, but I find just identifying the behavior pattern
	to be very helpful.  I can then deal with it with my repertoire of
	skills from other sources.  

Ilg and Ames: Is your Child in the Wrong Grade?
[sources incl. amazon]
	[no review available]

Sullivan: The Quality Time Almanac
[OOP; try your library or  amazon]
	My wife recently checked out an excellent book (IMHO) from
	the library and I thought I would pass on a recommendation
	Kind of brown-ish paperback if you are looking for it in the stacks.
	Sorry that I can't be more exact about the author & title, but my wife
	returned it before I copied down the info.
	Anyway, from time to time here I have seen people posting questions
	like what to do for a simple chemistry experiment/demo for small kids.
	This book had loads of them that all sounded pretty fun & different
	to me (OK, a lot involved baking soda or vinegar, but so what).
	 -- Dennis Nicklaus [posted]

Susan Perry: Playing smart: a parent's guide to enriching, offbeat
	learning activities for ages 4-14.
[sources incl. amazon]

Sheldon Lewis and Sheila Kay Lewis: Stress-proofing your child:
	mind-body exercises to enhance your child's health. (children
	ages 6-11) 
[sources incl. amazon]

Julie A. Ross: _Practical Parenting for the 21st Century_: The Manual
                    You Wish Had Come With Your Child
[sources incl. amazon]
	I have no financial or other stake in this book, but have
	found [this] to be an informative and highly readable book. It's
	available from Excalibur Publishing, Inc.,  434 Avenue of the
	Americas, #790, NYC 10011. I don't know and have never met the
	author but believe many people on this list may find this book
	helpful. --Sage [from a post] 

Steven P. Shelov: The American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring for Your
School-Age Child  Ages 5-12  and  Caring For Your Adolescent Ages 12
to 21. 
	The best. --Roberto Murguia M.D. [from a post]

Bruno Bettleheim, THE USES OF ENCHANTMENT:  The Meaning and
Importance of Fairy Tales.  Vintage Books, 1977.  
ISBN 0-394-72265-5.  
[sources incl. amazon]
	One of my all time favorites!  Gives
	a psychoanalytic reading of the best known faiy tales
	in terms of the psychological needs and fears which are
	addressed in them.  Wonderful reading.

Alison Lurie, DON'T TELL THE GROWN-UPS: Why Kids Love
the Books they Do.  Avon Books, 1990.  ISBN 0-380-71402-7.
[OOP; try the library or amazon]
	A kind of USES OF ENCHANTMENT for more contemporary books.
	Discusses what some literature, e.g., Seuss books, 
	subversive.  Very interesting for the young at heart!

Elin McCoy: What to do when kids are mean to your child. Reader's
	Digest Parenting Guides, $12.95. What to do about bullies.
[sources incl. amazon]
	[no review]

Peter Benson, Judy Galbraith, and Pamela Espeland: What kids need to
	succeed. Free Spirit Publishing. 1998.
[sources incl. Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]
	[no review]

Marlene Bireley: Crossover Children: A sourcebook for helping kids
	who are gifted and learning disabled. Published by the Council
	for Exceptional Children; available from Free Spirit
	Publishing [see Sources] 
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]
	[no review]

Sally Yahnke Walker: The survival guide for parents of gifted kids:
	how to understand, live with, and stick up for your gifted
	child. Free Spirit Publishing. 
[sources incl. Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]
	[no review]

Barbara Kerr: Smart girls: A new psychology of girls, women, and
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]
	[no review]

Susan Setley: Taming the dragons: real help for real school problems.
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]
	[no review]
Nancy Boyles and Darlene Contadino. Parenting a child with attention
	deficit hyperactivity disorder. [available from Free Spirit
	Publishing's catalog--see Sources]. 
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]

Gary Fisher and Rhoda Cummings: When your child has LD (Learning
	Differences): a survival guide for parents.  Free Spirit
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]

Cynthia Whitham: Win the whining war & other skirnishes: a family
	peace plan. 
[sources incl.  Free Spirit Publishing and amazon]

Emotional Problems of Normal Kids
[sources incl. amazon]
	Interesting new parenting book: Emotional Problems of Normal Kids, by
	Turecki (his previous book on parenting the Difficult Child was good
	too, but narrower in scope).  This touches on how to deal with the
	various emotional problems that normal kids have, as well as how to
	determine when professional help would be beneficial.  It's
	interesting to read, besides. -Amy Uhrbach [posted]

Waking Up Dry
[sources incl. amazon]
	There is a book called, "Waking Up Dry" that we have in our
	public library, which gives a non-medication approach to
	solving bedwetting.  Although a certain percentage of bedwetters
	will cure themselves each year, and the tendency is hereditary,
	there are two exercises in the book that will help, I think, 70%
	of bedwetters.	
	The first exercise is stopping and starting the urine stream with
	each urination except the time right before they go to bed.  Aim
	for starting and stopping 10 times with each urination.
	The other exercise is doing a bladder capacity measurement/stretching
	exercise.  Twice a week, on two nonconsecutive days, you have the
	child drink a large amount of (preferably caffeinated, as the caffeine
	is supposed to act as a diuretic) liquid, and then time them as to
	how long they can "hold it" and then when they can't hold it any
	more, they urinate in a container so you can measure their output.
	These two things will cause a bladder capacity increase of one oz.
	a month, plus make it easier for the child to hold the urine.  They
	also discuss bedwetting alarms and how to use them as a valuable
	training device (as opposed to a punitive device).  I really recommend
	the book highly, but if you can't find it, this should be enough to
	get you going. -- Melinda Meahan [posted]

Saunders and Espeland: _Bringing_Out_The_Best: A Resource Guide for Parents
of Gifted Young Children, (Free Spirit Publishing ISBN 0-915793-30-X: $12.95)  
[sources incl. amazon]
	My favorite book on the subject of gifted children...this is not a
	superbaby book, by any means, but rather an excellent survey of the
	literature on giftedness as it applies to the very young, replete with
	bibliographical references to aid further research.  It's written for
	parents, not researchers, and is full of ideas that would be
	helpful to most parents [whether their children are "gifted" or not].  
	-- Valerie Bock [posted]

Claudine Wirths and Mary Bowman-Kruhm: _Where's_My_Other_Sock_: how to get
organized and drive your parents and teachers crazy. Published by Thomas 
Y. Crowell, N.Y. ISBN: 0-690-04665-0.
[sources incl. amazon]
	-- Valerie Bock [posted]
	[editors note: apparently this book is now out of print]

Marguerite Radencich amd Jeanne Shay Schumm: How to help your child
	with homework: every caring parent's guide to establishing
	good study habits and ending the homework wars. Free Spirit
	Publishing. [to order directly, see Sources] 
[sources incl. amazon]

Patricia Quinn and Judith Stern: Putting on the brakes: young people's
	guide to understanding attention deficit hyperactivity
	disorder (for kids ages 8-13)
[sources incl. amazon]

Teenaged Children

Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D.: Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old
Publisher: Gesell
Institute of Human Development 
[sources incl. amazon]
	(see reviews of earlier books in this series under younger
school-aged kids, above)

Kirk Seufert: The Real Truth About Trouble:  A Little Can Turn Into A Lot
ISBN 0-9676417-0-5 [sources incl. amazon]
This book is an effective tool for keeping kids out of trouble. The author, 
who is an attorney focusing on juvenile cases, designed the book for kids. It 
uses real-life stories from real kids, to tell the real truth about drugs, 
sex, violence, guns, confrontations, crime and truancy.  It explains how many 
STDs, drug addictions, felony charges, gun-shot wounds, and unwanted 
pregnancies can never be fixed -- by an attorney or anyone else.  What's best 
is that the attorney writes the book in a language and from a perspective 
kids can relate to. So much so that the Juvenile Court in my city is using 
the book as a means of prevention and rehabilitation. Given the serious 
potential trouble all our kids face today, I personally believe all kids 
could benefit from this book.       ---Marie Andrews

Gary McKay, Joyce McKay, and Don. Dinkmeyer: Parenting Teenagers :
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens
[sources incl. amazon]
	(no review)

Foster Cline and Jim Fay: Parenting Teens With Love & Logic : Preparing
Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood. 1993.
[sources incl. amazon]
	(no review)

Steven P. Shelov: The American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring for Your
Adolescent Ages 12 to 21. 
[sources incl. amazon]
	The best. --Roberto Murguia M.D. [from a post]

Judy Ford: Wonderful ways to love a teen...even when it seems
[sources incl. amazon]
	(no review)

Bev Cobain: When nothing matters anymore: a survival guide for
	depressed teens. 
	Free Spirit Publishing. [to order directly, see Sources]
[sources incl. amazon]
	Seems to me I want a book like this to be on the
	shelf just in case one of my kids ever decides to read
	it. --Paula Burch

Paul Kivel and Allan Creighton: Making the peace: a 15 session
	violence prevention curriculum for young people (grades 6-12)
[sources incl. amazon]

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